Celebrating New Years in Style

Well, I hope everyone had a festive holiday season. Just one more to go, with New Years Eve right around the corner, bringing the promise of a new year and a new you, resolutions and -- you guessed it -- one big party.

Hopefully, you're headed to a massive bash, bar, or at least a hotel room. Aside from reminding you to pick a designated driver (or better yet, no driver at all), I'd like to point out the pluses and minuses of a few "party personas" as you plan your festivities.

The "Cheery Chuck" -- You have a couple drinks early in the night, but generally take it easy and are good and sober by midnight. On the plus side, you remember what you did, you can find your way home, you can go for a run in the morning without hurling on your shoes and you now have a bunch of dirt to blackmail your friends with. On the other hand, you didn't bust a move on the dance floor or talk to those cute twins at the bar, and you don't really have a good story to tell about this night when you're old and gray.

The "Stumblin' Stew" -- You catch an early buzz and keep the pedal to the metal through midnight, staying just with it enough to remember the whole evening. Pluses include you making magic on the dance floor, getting three numbers and managing not to cause bodily harm to yourself and others. Unfortunately, you are pretty much worthless for anything other than watching football the next day (should that be a plus???), you're six aspirin deep and still have a pounding head, you spent $200 on one round at the club and you have no idea who two of those numbers belong to -- not to mention that the one girl you can remember is out of your league, and not in a good way. All things considered, a solid option.

The "Hurlin' Howie" -- You took off work at noon and barhopped by yourself until your hard workin' buddies arrived. Power hour at 7, century club at 9, not-sure-what at midnight, but it probably wasn't a good idea. You do have some great stories though, and you talked to over 100 girls, so odds are in your favor of getting at least one date. You started your New Year's diet by losing 5 pounds orally shortly after midnight. Tragically, Chuck and his camera phone now own you, not one of the 99 girls you talked to after 7:30 could understand a word you said and you aren't even able to watch the games (other than via a small TV attached to the toilet bowl). You keep getting calls from a girl name Martha Joe, thanking you for an amazing night. She has an unusually husky voice.

I'm both proud and embarrassed to admit to taking each of these approaches at one time or another. None is fundamentally better than the other, but I suggest picking a game plan and sticking to it. No point in being no-fun Chuck and still ending up in your lawn wearing only a beer box!