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Getting her to love you for who you are (as long as you are who you were)
Lessons on setting low expectations
So my lady says to me the other day, "I love you just the way you are." How sweet, right? Well, hang on, it's not that simple. Let me give you the history of the conversation ...
We had just sat down for a pasta dinner. Now, I love pasta. The more the better, and with loads of beef, sausage and marinara sauce. Except we were about to enjoy some fluffy concoction of penne with shrimp and a lemon wine sauce. Not too shabby, but not my good ol' spaghetti and meatballs. And I'm not complaining, since this is the first time I've been able to slip pasta onto our weekly menu in a month or two. Why, you ask? Because she is not a pasta fan. And I say "not a fan" as in she feels it is one step up from having a dog fart in her face -- and this watered down version of pasta is the compromise I make.
Now back to the present. Why does she love me just the way I am? Because I don't eat pasta very often, and when I do it's a frou-frou blend of exotic herbs and "complex" wines. Herein lies the problem. That's not who I am. I want a meatball the size of a football covering a hubcap-size plate of noodles dripping with sweet, sweet marinara. And a beer. Or wine (to drink, not to enhance the tender texture of the noodle).
So, why the confusion between us? Because, in my haste to earn my love's affection, I took something she said during one of our first dates about how she loves all food "except pasta" to heart. Fast forward a couple years and we've had pasta together like twice. It wasn't such a big deal at first, when our dining together was sporadic. I could knock out a lasagna for dinner and eat it for lunch the rest of the week. But as we eventually started eating more and more meals together, bam, "ah, it's'a no spaghetti'ah for you" (in your best Italian accent).
Now, for the lesson. Be yourself because, whoever you are, if that's who she likes, that's who you'll have to be if you want her to stick around. So put beer on your cheerios, set up your PlayStation in front of the toilet and pull your own finger -- because if you don't do it now, you'll never get away with it later.
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Comments are moderated and generally will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive.
this is true -- becky
Johnathan, you are not really in a true love relationship are you? Humor good - message bad! You don't have a clue about the undercurrents of true love or how they affect the partners. It is all about a subtle migration to a centered equilibrium through natural compromise. Maybe she should eat mounds of pasta daily and become the Jabba-the-Hut version of Sally Strothers. -- Ed
Um - Do you guys have any problem solving skills? I mean - Jonathan - you're right! Be who you are right from the start - women never like the man (or lack-there-of) they may have managed to turn you into anyway in the long run so - be yourself, beer and pasta and all. Isn't it worth your marriage to have each of you make your own meals? Or was it your idea to pretend you like the food she liked—because you liked her. Which is cute and sweet (and tolerable) for the first or second date. And now you're gonna blame her for your decision to not eat pasta. And now you want to change your mind. So go make yourself a lasagna. She'll probably eat your leftovers when you are not looking. ;) -- TheOnlineDater
i like this article. If a women likes you she should like you just the way you are. Its ok to like something and shes not a big fan of it. Nothing wrong with a few differences but you should also try to get an understanding of her likes and possibly enjoy them as well -- andrew
well i have simple scenario where this is all both right and wrong.. well the qirl im with now likes me for who i am, but also if you do things that you say you like.. well then she might actually hate you for it and bring it up in every fight.. lol. well to help ease some situations,dont rush into everything with what you do.. because too much and you could lose the one you love deeply. vice versa. It goes back to the teenage years of dating when you need to have the "thing" that most of the girls want.. whether it be 'tuff guy attitude' to the soft guy approach, either way its a mystery and you'll never know till you try it. If it just seems like it's not going to work between the two of you, dont just give up and take the easy way out an break up.. fix the problem and if it's fixed then you two can be in love for a longer time. Because if you can make it through things together and fix things, then you two make a great couple.. just make sure it's not all the time you're f-ing up.. as some people say.. lol -- Mister G.
you're right, what a good feeling if the person you love tells you the she/he love you for who you are. just be yourself and express what you truly feel. great information and thanks for this it will help me a lot. dating men and women tips. -- Pualineh James
Ahem....ok so flash forward a few years and your "upset" at her because you pretended to like pasta. I just don't "get" why when falling in love you didn't say hey baby I was so smitten by you I exxagerated a bit about whatever....classic male blaming female and shoveling guilt. -- SillyObserver