Getting Smacked with the 'L Word'

My lady, whom I shall refer to as "Legally Blonde" (take that how you wish -- and no, she doesn't know I'm calling her that -- and yes, she would be none too happy about it), were sitting on the couch the other night when she whispered, "I love you," in my ear. I responded in kind, not thinking too much about it. But it did remind me of the first time she uttered those words … and the sheer horror that came over me that day.

It was some time ago, and I can't say as I have any real advice for you, but I wanted to share my experience anyway, so you can be prepared.

Late one evening after a movie and a couple of drinks, we went back to my place and plopped down on the couch. After a few minutes of hanky panky, she spoke those fateful words. Here is a sample of my internal dialog:

"I wonder if the Mariners beat the Yankees tonight. Wait, tonight is date night. Pay attention to the girl. What was that? She said something familiar, like from my childhood. Something my parents said to me a lot. What was it? Love or something? I love you? No, couldn't be. Wait, it was. Uh oh. What now? Quick, dummy, think. Should I say it back? No, bad idea. Smile? That sucks. OK, it's go-time, say something!"

Then I spoke. What I said was something like, "Wonder if the M's won," as I flipped on the TV. And that, my friends, is apparently not such a good response. Legally Blonde got up without saying anything, grabbed a carton of ice cream and went to the bedroom.

Here's the challenge. I didn't want to say it back 'cause we hadn't been dating that long, and it's not something I like to just throw around like wrapping paper on Christmas morning. If you say it back today, you might as well start shopping for a ring tomorrow. It's like the pre-promise ring statement. And, really, how many layers of commitment do we need?

So, you ask, what's a guy to do? Here are some options:

• Give her a long, deep kiss (the "Words can't describe how I feel" response)
• Smile, look her in the eye, and give a firm hand squeeze (giving off that "I feel ya, babe" vibe)
• Let out an "awwww" and give her a big hug (like, "Isn't that sweet?")
• Pretend you didn't hear her (I wouldn't recommend this if she's sitting right next to you.)

(Note: These are untested, theoretical responses. It's not my fault if you end up on the couch.)

So there ya go. Not much help, but at least you can think ahead and be prepared for when those three little words happen to you.