The real-life consequences of online dating

If any man is still out there "on-line" dating, they are simply fools aimlessly wasting their time. The ratio of women to men is poor and women reserve the right to sit back and field the many e-mails they receive. Check all the websites out there and you will find the same women participating in all of them for years at a time. Are these women truly after "Serious Relationships"? Are you kidding me?! Women dating on-line are fickle, rude, opportunistic, self-entitled, serial daters who reserve the right to continue searching for the "BBD". The Bigger Better Deal. On line dating is simply a tremendous ego boost to even the most average dull-looking woman and a colossal waste of time for men who are truly searching for a woman that could become important to them. I refuse to participate in on-line dating and when I meet a woman who admits to being "on-line" my interest level plummets. I consider the on-line daters as "ladies" to possibly have some casual fun with, NEVER as a potential partner in anything serious. -- Tom

I've tried online dating, in the past, and met two (seemingly) great boyfriends. One became the love of MY life. He said the same, until four months later, he took an unexpected hike and basically lives on the same website on which we met. Sad. Cowardly, too. These websites can sometimes be great, but mostly (in my humble opinion), it's way too easy to click a mouse, when you become bored with someone in "real life". Yuck. What a turn-off! My last boyfriend was awesome, but I'm assuming, since it's been a few months since we split, he's back online, though we didn't meet online. He thought it was a waste of time, too, but nevertheless, did it (as did I). I think it boils down to loneliness and boredom. It's amazing what that combination does to a person! I'm staying away from the online dating thing, for a good, long while. And, I don't know if I'll return. Since I'm a good-looking, 43-year-old who's well-educated, with no kids (and not wanting any, thank God, given my chronology! LOL!), I hope I don't have a problem meeting a guy the "old-fashioned way". Who knows, though? Have we forgotten how to organically meet people, given the speed, instant gratification and ubiquity of online dating? I can relate to this article's author because I, too, live in a small city, and the same people seem to take up residence on Plenty of Fish, perennially! Wow... As I referred to earlier, it seems to have become the "thing to do" on those long, lonely nights. Curiosity killed the cat, but it's also killing true human interaction, as far as I'm concerned, because jealousy can definitely play a part. What happens when two former online daters strike up a (real life) relationship, and boredom sets in, prompting one of the two (or both) to let their mouse/mice do the clicking? Is this cheating? I think so. But, that's another issue, eh? ;) Sigh. Buh-bye, online dating! -- Sherri

Met a woman I fell in love with online and as it turned out she had a boyfriend and was leading me on. All she did was apologize for my broken heart. It still hurts and I feel ashamed. Never again. -- Sal

It is not only the females that don't take the online dating seriouly. I have met a few men who had excellent profiles, conversations very great, we swapped numbers and had many weeks of texts and phone calls, but sure enough, when they weren't having what they said was 'the most interesting meaningful conversation ever' with me, they were online still flirting and carrying on with other women! Men don't take it seriously, they are all looking for a flirt, a quick catch up, one night stand, etc. I have since closed my profile and although I live in a small country town, I am waiting to meet Mr Right in real life, not on the net. -- LittleMiss

I'm sorry but Tom, you are either wrong or forgot to include men who do the same. I got back online after not having been on it for years. My experience is totally different than 6 or 7 years ago. I met quite a few nice people but met someone in the "wild" and decided to date him. This time around, I'm appalled at the lack of courtesy. Perfectly nice, innocuous email exchanges suddenly end with no word. Nice dates with no reply, not even a reply to my thank you. It has given me a perception of men as not, well, being willing to man up. There is nothing wrong with a reply like "I enjoyed meeting you but didn't feel enough of a spark but I wish you luck on your search." The last person was so enthusiastic and engaged on our date and yet I had to drag out of him that he didn't see a future together, after days of back and forth "trying" to schedule another date. Provide a person with humane closure. -- jane

I have just started online dating at age 46. I live in a small town and for years my friends advised me to date outside my zip code. Online dating allows me to so this and choose how far afield I go. I try to reply to every email or flirt with a polite msge. I have only met one person in person and we plan to meet again. I have no plans at this time to take down my profile. I am approaching this like I do a job search. Just because you get an interview... do you call every where else you have applied and have them tear up your application? I have replied to my most recent emails that I have been communicating with a nice gentleman but at this point it too early to make a call either way. -- Sunny

i have been online dating for about a month or so have met one ladie her profile said athletic tone, no were close im just wondering why people do this?? for the ladies out there i get alot of winks or e-mail i respond back and never here from them ... why do yall respond at all if your not really interested. if i look at someones profile i do not wink or e-mail if im not interested. im not talking about 1 or2 im talking all the time im like wtf.. -- john

Maybe he's a serial killer? Online dating can ruin family relationships - but, if you're ready to move on then you're ready to move on. You can find a fella at the pub or on the computer (but seriously, the pub would be WAY more convenient). This format opens doors. But it's dangerous to rely on what people say about themselves because it's only that person's interpretation of themselves. It's weird alright. I met a man online and fell in love. It's been going on for four years. We met online then two years later, met in person in Rome. Turned out he was even more amazing in person. Then he came to Australia for three months last year. It was bliss. He's moving here next month. -- Donna

They sure are a waste of time and money, I've tried most of them and have come to the conclusion that that the whole on-line dating concept is flawed and a totally unnatural way of meeting people. In the real world, I consider myself fun, attractive, sociable, successful, modest, respectful of others and find that I get on with just about anyone, I hoped to be quite a catch in real life and on-line in that case since I consider myself an exception to many guys I know. I have acquaintances who are in successful relationships but who are generally rude, arrogant, aggressive, self centred, ego driven work shy morons who seem to have far more success in dating for some bizarre reason. what most normal guys consider to be total losers I fear many women see them as confident and alluring bad-boys deep down. I just happened to be single and decided to give on-line dating a shot. I joined three sites, filled in all of the usual irrelevant details and browsed. I think part of the problem is that men are traditionally expected to message women and from my experience, women would never message me first. As a guy, the first login you read some profiles and find someone you like the sound of and want to find out more about, carefully construct an introductory message trying to make it relevant, interesting, but also brief and to the point and with a dash of wit and humour.....and then wait......nothing! no reply, no views on your profile, nothing at all! next time round you think, right, I'll not make that mistake again, I'll message a dozen profiles, perhaps tweaking your angle of attack slightly taking on-board advice from various online dating guides....and nothing.......no replies whatsoever.....no response....Next approach is one of mass messaging. Its far too time consuming to write of completely individual replies to everyone, and at this point you'd just be happy for one message, any message from anyone remotely human will do just to prove to yourself that the site isn't broken or something, resorting to 'spamming' seems like the only thing left to try. Maybe construct one generic message which gets to the point and tweak it slightly for each recipient.....still nothing at all, not a peep. I have female friends who have been on dozens of dates from these sites, usually with people who turn out to be no good for them eventually. I'm a bit sick of comments from female friends like "I can't understand how you're still single?" ummmm. let me think, maybe because you keep falling for these players you pretend to despise and would rather live in denial that he is very alluringly confident purely because he IS cheating on you and genuinely does not care either way, he's dangerous and deep down, you're turned on by that but won't admit it even to yourself.... I think perhaps for those guys unwilling to just give in and stoop to become one of the arrogant moron types like all the guys who get lots of dates, its back to the drawing board and on-line is not the answer! I also believe that online dating is very much like dieting, basically an excuse for someone who really should just plain try harder in life to feel good about joining a new club which promises to solve all of their problems automatically, with little or no intention of doing more than signing up and showing a face once in a while. The inner conscience is happy, because it is blissfully in denial that there is a problem and its all the dating sites stupid fault anyway. So now they have someone to blame but themselves for their own miserable situation. -- Richard

Fact and statistic. Man who have success with online are either hunk or very rich. Basically a little number of guys get ALL the girls. Even girl that I wouldn't even look at. Girl go online for two reason, 1. have sex with hunks and 2. eventually get a rich sponsor. That is it. Once they realised that they are getting old and that the hunks and rich playboys don't want to play with them anymore (usually after 32-35yo)... Suddenly they wonder where are the men ? I mean WTF! Are you kindding me ? Guys, go find yourself (buy yourself) a eastern european or asian girl and settle down. Western girl don't worth it anymore. thank you 10year+ of SEX and the City propaganda. More and more girls will end up lonely while mature while we'll have fun with younger more interesting foreign girls. Belive me guys, don't treat women well, don't respect them. They sell themself and have absolutely no self respect. Treat them as they are, a body to buy (if you have to), use and throw away. That how they behave with hunk and rich men. And that is how these guys treat them. Be MEN, MACHO and MYSOGINE. that's what they want that what women deserve. Don't listen to their crap of how they want to be treated well, a gentleman....etc that is crap. -- Shadow K

I always wonder what online dating is like, I mean can one really find someone serious and sincere in an online dating? -- Ellen Smith

While I feel bad for you guys out there who met people who were not honest with you....I have to say that I have met some really great guys online with whom I am now friends with. Love was not in the picture for me with them, but I am good with being friends! I also met quite a few guys who are "clicking" away trying to find the love of their life while selecting women who would never consider going out with them. I bet these men will spend the better part of the next five years trying to find that ONE hot girl that will give them the time of day. Meanwhile...I will NOT waste my time with someone like this. Not at all. I stick to my own kind, a smart, funny and ready for a future with a real imperfect person. I agree, living in a small town would be a difficult hurdle to overcome in the dating world. -- Mary

My experience has been totally different from all of the above...Tried online dating a few times. Each time I learned about which sites, strategies and profiles worked best. Eventually I did meet the man of my dreams. No, I was not fickle, rude or opportunistic like our boy TOM would suggest, but rather found most men just so. Looking for a lay, selfish, stingy or just plain pig headed. To them, I learned to be exceptionally rude, often cutting them off quickly from contacting me again and in rare cases, letting them know exactly what they did wrong. But since I'm not their mother, and their parents failings not my problem, I found hope in the few nice, decent incredible guys I would meet. Usually the only problem in those cases was that I wasn't attracted. But I eventually did find a guy who was hot, fun and an excellent partner in every way. He has everything going for him and I feel lucky to have found my soulmate. But yes, there was a learning curve, a zillion dates with douchebags, and in politely turning down those I could never see myself with. Oh, and the number one rule is if he's too stingy to pay for a first date, just say no. I promise you won't regret that rule! -- cspanjunkie