The Right Answers to No-Win Questions

As a guy who's been in a relationship for a few years now, and as the only guy in my group of friends who isn't single, I'm often looked to as the relationship guru. My guys come to me with all sorts of questions, and as a guy who actually managed to catch a great girl, I usually can help. The "question that can't be answered correctly" is a dating obstacle every guy faces. Without fail, one of my pals will mention some crazy and very loaded question his girlfriend, date, crush or other significant female in his life has laid on him. I've been practicing for years on how to answer those tough questions. Turns out a simple yes or no doesn't really cut it.

"What do you want to do?"

It's the classic response when you ask her what she wants to do for a date. Whatever you do, don't say what you really want to do. All she wants you to do is suggest what she wants to do -- you are supposed to read her mind and impress her with your insight into her character/likes and dislikes/hobbies and interests. If you know what she wants to do, just cut to the chase and suggest it as if it's what you want to do. You'll both appreciate it. If you don't know, throw a bunch of ideas out there and see what she picks up on. Alternately, you can spin the question on its head: "I want to take you someplace special." Then, just let her tell you what she's been dying to do. It's what you want to do, so that makes you the hero.

"Do I look fat?"

The most dangerous question of all, but it's an easy guess at the correct answer. A quick "no" should suffice, right? Oh, if only it were that easy and straightforward. A quick "no" means you didn't even look (which you probably didn't, but, hey, I'm not here to judge). A slow "no" will inevitably prompt a response like, "You had to think about it???" which is then accompanied by crying, yelling, heated discussion of arguments you had long forgotten about, etc. The trick is to give the slightest pause, as if you're checking her out. Again, the answer is obviously "no," but make it seem as if you're checking her out for the first time. A quick head-to-toe (or just a glance at the hind quarters, if you're in a hurry) and crisp "no!" is the way to go. Throw in a wry little smile or wink for extra production value.

"Do these shoes go with my outfit?"

If you are unsure, go with the "fat" response above -- though drag your eyes slightly lower, as if you are mentally processing the colors and style compatibility, then give a firm "yes." If you actually have a clue about fashion, ask a simple question that shows insight, even if you already know the answer -- something like, "Is that black or dark navy?" This shows you're engaged. She'll answer, then you can come back with the affirmative "Yeah, it goes" or something similar. Just remember, any hesitation will prompt a minimum of three costume changes. Be quick, and be confident. The worst she can do is call your bluff and change anyway.

Hope all this knowledge culled from the relationship trenches helps. And you're welcome. My couch has taken me in many a night during this research.