The Dating Prenup

Many couples sign a prenuptial agreement before entering into the sacred vows of marriage. Why? 'Cause who knows what's going to happen? You need to protect your awesome earning potential, your vintage Corvette and your stake in the Arena Football League (as if you actually have such things).

I'm not going to launch into the pros and cons, other than to say it's not a completely idiotic idea. So if we sign a prenup before marriage, why don't we do the same before we start dating seriously? OK, maybe there are no children or million-dollar mansions at stake, but still. Let's not kid ourselves. There's a lot on the line. It doesn't need to be as formal as a prenuptial agreement, but you should at least jot down a "date-nup" in an email or on the back of a napkin before taking your relationship to the next level.

Guys, here are a few suggestions to get you rolling.

• I reserve the right to use "the game is on" as an excuse for anything on Sunday afternoons, Monday nights and Saturdays when [insert alma mater or favorite college team here] is playing in the fall, as well as during Wednesday night baseball and the World Series.
• I only have to tell you that you don't look fat once for you to believe me. Maybe twice.
• I have the right to go on our date by myself if you are more than one hour late. And since I'm going by myself, I have the right to move dinner to Hooters.
• Only direct requests count. Hinting that you want to see "Julie and Julia" guarantees you nothing.

Ladies, it's only fair to give you a couple of ideas, as well.

• Ladies night is sacred, and you are in no way to try to invite yourself or whine when I leave.
• Peeing on the floor, in the closet or anywhere else that isn't routinely referred to as "the toilet" is not OK.
• You will joyfully take me to at least one chick flick per month.

Now, the trick is basic negotiation. Ask for more than you really want. Just don't ask for too much, lest you be perceived as a demanding nut job. But be prepared to come to an equitable solution, one that both parties feel good about. After all, you aren't going to bother writing a date-nup for a relationship that's as sunk as the Titanic. Ideally, she'll learn to love Sunday afternoon in that Cowboys jersey you bought her, and you won't ever have to look at the lists again. Just remember, Jon and Kate probably thought it was going to be all sunshine and puppy dogs, too.