Undesirable Dates: Bad Dates We Should All Avoid

I read a report this week from a top professor in the UK that said that most successful daters were those who dated people who had similar outlooks to themselves. Those who were far less careful when selecting a companion ended up having a much worse time. In other words, date the people who are most like you in character to be successful in romance. Simple really.

The fact is, we all occasionally choose the wrong type of people to date. Maybe it is the challenge, the novelty factor, the adventure or the risk. Maybe it is just boredom that makes us do these things. There are lots of reasons why we do. We may want to act as nursemaid, psychologist, mother, protector, sugar daddy, friend and assistant. So who are the wrong types that we should try and avoid?

Here are a few that spring to mind:

Married People

Don't even think about it my friend. This is a big no-no. If you are married too then you re about to enter an affair that could cost you not just a few stolen weekends but your marriage, kids, house, career, financial stability and your heart. Dating married people is a stupid game and for idiots only. Harsh words you may think but no good comes of dating married folk. You see , if you are single and they are married you cannot comprehend the amount of stress they will be dealing with during an affair and they won't tell you either. It is highly unlikely they will leave their partner for you. If they don't leave within the first 12 weeks, run like the wind. If the married person does leave them for you, then the pressure is all on your buddy and any time things go wrong in future you will be held severely accountable and blamed.

Then there are the lies. The deceit which strip you of your dignity. The fact that you will never get to see them at weekends when you have lots of spare time will drive you crazy. And finally , when you are all alone, they will be with their partner and family. All though you are having sex with someone, for the most part you will still be single. There are very few people in this world who can seriously cope with a long term married affair. Avoid unless you are a complete fool.

Serial Daters -  The Lounge Lizard(ess)

This used to be the sole domain of men but in recent times women have become as predatory as men have always been. The serial dater is often interested ins ex and looks and will treat you as a trophy. You may think you can spot these types a mile away but you can't because they are extremely highly skilled in telling you what you want to hear. They will be psychologists and seducers who take in your every word and play it back to you in the hope that you will succumb. Once you have, there is no where to go, you may be asked to stay around for a short while so that you can be shown off to their friends but ultimately you will certainly be dumped to be quickly replaced by someone who meant as little as you did.

The Liar

There are few of us who are completely virtuous so lets not pretend too much here. There are a lot of people out there who have told a small lie to get someone into bed. Even worse, there are a great many who lie from the first date to simply try and impress. The problem here is that that almost all people who tell lies ultimately get found out. On your first date you will not be able to spot a liar if they are any good because you will have no time to go over what you have been told, it will only become clear over time. The risk is that by the time you discover the awful truth (whatever it is) you may have already fallen for them. Lying usually begins innocently enough and rapidly gets out of control as the person digs themselves a hole. You can protect yourself by being suspicious of any outlandish claims and checking out things you have been told. The general rule here is that if you suspect something, you are very probably right.

The Possessive Lover

Jealousy and possessiveness are more widespread than we care to admit. The happy go lucky person we have begun to date could easily turn into sleeping with the enemy so it pays to be wary. Almost always, jealousy and possessiveness come from deep insecurity, lack of self confidence and self worth. Everything begins normally enough but quickly your date wants to know where you are, who your friends are, calls too often and wants to pick you up from work. They comment on what you wear in the evening and prefer it that you stay home with them. A jealous person will try and keep you home whilst they themselves break their rules. They think that by keeping you isolated you will be more likely to stay put. These people are afraid that they do not deserve you and will do anything to keep you because they are convinced they are always about to lose you. They will not accept you are there because you want to be. Such people have emotional problems that you cannot fix and therefore avoid at all costs.

The Rebound Person

The date with emotional baggage is a non starter. Don't date these people. It may be that they are still coming to terms with the end of their last relationship so they are not looking for you yet, they are still looking backwards for their original lover. It can take some people years to get over a relationship break up so dating them will solve no problems in the short term. When someone is fully ready to date again it will show, but watch for constant references and comparisons with an ex and if it gets too much let them downs gently an walk away.

The Flirt

Very attractive in the first place but one of the worst dates you can choose in the longer term. Flirts love to have fun and be the center of attention and of course flirting is very sexy. But here we are referring to serial flirters, those who cannot help but wanting to be the center of attention with the opposite (or same) sex every time you go out. They will always be focusing on who can make them the center of attention and you may soon find you are being left out. This type is for the very secure only so be careful.

The Social Misfit

Your date does need to get on with your friends and mix well in your established social circle. In the same way you need to be able to mix easily in theirs. That is the basis of a good match as there are many unspoken belief system confirmations going on when you mix. If you mix together well then you have the same social beliefs in terms of behavior, humor, communication etc. You may feel that you can date people from completely different social climates but be very well prepared if so.

The Boss

No no no no no. The worst date you can choose. Mixing business and pleasure is a recipe for disaster and not worth contemplating. You may be attracted to their power and position, their looks, intellect and sophistication but the rest of the office will see you as trying to sleep yourself to the top. When it all goes wrong you will have no place to hide and in the meantime your entire private life will be the attention of the office gossips. Just don't go there unless you wish to get hurt and harm your career.